Invisible.

I need to break down
I need to fall
Away from me
Away from this
My life fades to nothing...

These tears choke me
Bring me down
I fall
To my knees
To my doom
This girl fades to nothing...

I cannot move
I have no strength
So I'm stranded in this hell
I need you to carry me
I need you to understand
Invisible
No one can see me
I hate you
You hate me...

My mind is spinning
My spirit's draining
This girl is fading
And now I'm nothing...

I fall
No one's there
I'm gone
No one cares...

My hallow corpse floats along
I want to scream at you
To notice me
What you've made me
But you don't care to see...

Your hate strangles me
I cannot speak
Your hate blinds me
My eyes sewn shut
So I seep out of me
The only way I know how...

And I bleed
The sweet crimson reflection
Of a tortured soul
Why do you hate me?
When I'm not even here?...

You give me bandaids
To cover your guilt
You don't care at all
Don't think I can't see through you
I won't stop for you
Come join me in this hell
You created it for me...

You'll come down with me
I'll drown you in my blood
It's what you deserve
I've been breathing tears so long
'Cause there was no place for them to fall
Away from me
Away from this
This soul fades to nothing...

I barely care anymore
This pain is going numb
I barely feel anymore
Dried blood of a hallow heart
I cry inside
But you don't give a damn
I smile just for you...

You painted me a mask
I threw it away but you still see it
'Cause you're not looking at me
You're staring at the garbage
You won't look away
You can't stand to see my ugliness
Well goddamn, fuck you!
I just don't care anymore...

It's your fault now
So quit blaming me
I'm alone because you left me...

Darkness
Reflected in the mirrors
Broken
Distorted visions stare at me
Screaming
I try to run but I can't move
Chained
With weakness from deep within my soul...

I need you to hold me
Won't you kiss away these tears?
I'm almost gone anyways
I promise you won't waste much time
Can't you paint me a picture?
Of what I dreamed I had?
I'm craving the truth now
But you feed me lies
I'm starving...

I'm scared of what life may give me
Goddamn, I want to die!
And why not?
No one would really miss me
And if they did
They'd move on...

Why must you force me to hang on?
When you refuse to help me up?
I can't do this on my own...

Paralyzed
Too weak to go on
Fall down
Lie down
In the cold rain
I watch the sky
Feel the stars surround me
In need of an angel
The warmth of love's embrace
But I only see one thing
Your back is turned to me...

I need to break down
I need to fall
Away from me
Away from this
My life fades to nothing...

I am nothing
Invisible
To you and the rest of this fucking world
Colorblind, you don't see the red
Black and white is all I am
Fade to grey...

Falling
To my knees
To my doom
Another invisible life
And it fades away to nothing...

You don't care.

You knew what to say to take away the pain,
But then you went and brought it right back again!
You were exactly,
What I needed,
You were the last thing,
That I needed!
I'm sorry if I made your life a living hell,
I'm sorry that I dragged you into my living hell,
But you caught me at the wrong time!
And I didn't mean to hurt you...

But you lied to me,
And I don't know how to handle it!
'Cause you lied to me,
And I'm sorry to be a bitch about it!
Why did you say it?
When you knew it was all shit?
And why do I still love you?

When I close my eyes,
There you are,
And a tear escapes my eye,
Because the memory of you,
Tears me up inside...
I'm sorry that you have to regret me,
But goddamn, please don't forget me!
I hate it, but I'll always love you...

Can you see what you've done to me?
Do you care?
I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted me to be!
And I still care...
I'm sorry that my timing was off,
I'm sorry to about this all wrong...

But I can't take this right now!
When I just need arms to fall into...
You've just given me more to fight now!
And I just need to break down...
'Cause I've been bein' strong,
For so fucking long...
I'm sorry I lashed out at you,
I just don't know what to do!

Just shut-up a goddamn second!
I need to just work this all out in my mind...
Can't you just hold me for a minute?
This'll all work out in time...
But now is not the time!
If you were me for a bit,
You'd understand all the shit I've said...

But I can't stop missing you...
And my dreams won't stop kissing you...
I'm sorry to take so long,
To get over it,
But I'm not as strong,
As I used to be...
Is this the reason you can't love me?

Numb: Get through yesterday.

The pills are ready
This is it
It'll be so easy
Let's get out of this shit now
They'll remember me when I'm gone
But they'll move on
No one to trust, nowhere to go
Let's wait for tomorrow
Searching for someway to escape
'Cause I'm still getting through yesterday
How do you expect me to hang on today
When I was gone yesterday
But with nothing else to do, I wait for tomorrow
There's nowhere else to go but tomorrow

The knife is ready
This is it
It'll be so easy
Let's get out of this shit now
They'll remember me when I'm gone
But I can't go on
Floating through another day
So very numb and cold
Drifting so far away
This starting to get old
Drifting through another day
So very numb and cold
I fall so far away
Let's just get through tomorrow

I cannot move
To grasp it
Nothing to lose
I'm letting go of this shit now
He'll remember me when I'm gone
But he'll move on
Falling in love
It was the worst idea I ever had
I've had enough
That was the worst idea I ever had
At first you were the reason
That I hesitated
But now you are the reason
I can no longer take this

I lie here
And plan it
Got nothing to fear
So I'm getting out of this shit now
They'll remember me when I'm gone
But I can't go on
I'm sick of being selfless
It's my turn to be selfish now
I've felt this way forever it seems
Goddamn, it'll be so easy
A couple slashes
A few glasses
So I'm leaving you
And you don't care

Tonight is the night I'm letting go
Or maybe I'll wait for tomorrow
I am too weak to hold on
My future's too bleak to move on
I'm letting go
Tonight
I'm letting go
Tomorrow

Find me.

Maybe there was a flame in me
But all fires burn out eventually
Have you ever thought that maybe I'm not hiding
It's just that you've never bothered to come and find me

Maybe there were some feelings in me
But every tear runs dry eventually
I promise you I haven't been hiding
You just haven't bothered to come and find me

Maybe there were some words in me
But all patience fades eventually
I'm sorry if I appeared to be hiding
But you just never bothered to come and find me

I'm right here
But no one sees me
I'm right here
You just don't see me
If I wasn't clear
I'm really sorry
But I'm right here
So come and find me

Who am I?

I don't need to explain myself
You don't really care anyway
Just tryin' to feel better about yourself
I'm gonna do what I wanna do anyway

You only care about the me
The me that you think I can be
You've only worried about how you feel
You don't even know me

And I need to be who I am
But no one understands
That I've gotta be me
I've gotta learn to believe
In the things I can't see
In future's possibilities
And you may not understand
But I am who I am

Why should I bother coming out
When no one wants to see me
Just tryin' to feel better about yourself
You can't even tell that I'm hiding

I won't change for you
I will always hate me
Don't try to recreate me
I won't change for you

Addict.

I'm addicted to me lie
And it's sweet serenity
It's not at all my life
But it might as well be

I'm addicted to my pain
And I find it comforting
Breaking you is not my aim
But it might as well be

'Cause I can't let it go, gotta hold on
I'm gonna hold on till it bleeds
As I lie here helplessly, cry out desperately
'Cause I feel the need
I need to feel it bleed
So I can't let it go
And I'm gonna hold on till it bleeds

But as it slips away, I hear myself scream
These tears bring me to my knees
But I'm not letting go, not giving up
No, I'm holding on, I'm holding, till it bleeds

I'm addicted to my strife
It is what defines me
I'm not a slave to this knife
But I might as well be

And a smile crawls across my face
As I feel me slowly fade away
A twisted smile finds my face
As I slip into yesterday

Drowning starfish.

A starfish washed up here on shore
I'm suffocating, so stiff and dry
Clinging to my rock here on shore
I'm craving moisture, I need to cry

Take this heart of mine
Drown it in your blue
Wash my towards the sunset
Cleanse me, make me new

A starfish washed up here on shore
I'm waiting for high tide
But I'm too far out here on shore
And it never comes, so I'm running dry

Drown me, consume me
Oh how I need to feel you
Drown me, consume me
Wash me now, into your blue

A starfish washed up here on shore
Waves of grace, come take me now
But they can't reach me here on shore
Please throw me back to sea now

Fifteen.

Fifteen and searching
For something you've never known
Lookin' for a little meaning
You feel abandoned and alone

You toss and you turn
As you look to the sky
You know someday you'll learn
Why you fell for that guy

Fifteen and running
So far away from home
Lookin' for a little meaning
You're so sick of being alone

You just can't sleep
No matter how hard you try
You can't stop thinkin'
About that stupid guy

Fifteen and hiding
Behind those tears you never show
Lookin' for a little meaning
You hide, you need to be alone

You roll over again
As you close your eyes
And who'll ever know
Why you love that guy

And even though he's gone
He won't leave you alone
So you write yourself a song
About the love you've never known
You fell for him hard
And you broke your own heart
You saw some light in him
But you've been left in the dark

Turn away.

Hands shaking
Hearts breaking
Thoughts won't slow down
Fall helpless to the ground
Kindred souls
Hearts entwined
Fear takes its tole
Awaiting a sign
Hate the situation
Love you more than anything
Mind warped in frustration
Want to be your everything
God, fate sucks
Don't even know you
Just my luck
Too afraid to show you
All of these feelings
I'm unsure of myself
Stare at the ceiling
Grap the knife off the shelf
Hearts and minds
Disagree
You are blind
I can't believe
In what I know to be true
In what is too good to be
So I must leave you
As you turn away from me...

Seduced.

A delicate life
Broken inside
A slave to her world
You hear her cry:
"I dreamed of you
And woke up crying
Oh sweet illusions
I dreamed you loved me!"...

She's so confused
She fears it's a lie
What's there to lose?
The sparkle in your eyes
She's afraid of the pain
She'll bring upon you
And she cannot contain
Her soul's decieving truths...

Shred the lives
Of those who love
The plans they contrive
Are just not enough
For love on its own
Is unable to stand
Hate roughly corrodes
With velvet coated in sand...

A slave to her world
Broken inside
A delicate life
You hear her cry:
"Hold me, kiss me!"
But you turn to leave
"Won't you miss me?
Was this all just a dream?"...

Twisted fears
Warped by fate
And crystal tears
Will recreate
This clear shield
These diamond walls
And to her knees
She bitterly falls...

Her haunting elegance
Brings strife to all
Her mysterious radiance
Will cause you to fall
For she is a disease
You've proven this to her
Ignore her desparate pleas
Or be killed by her...

Fate: Too much.

I'm no good for you
You deserve better
Thanks for all you've done
Now it's all over...
You'll haunt my dreams
But it's best that you leave
It won't take long, just forget me
And walk away as you let me go
Forget me, regret me, let me go...

'Cause I care too much to let you down
But I love you too much to let you go
It's time you stop wasting your time on me
This hurts more than you'll ever know...

But I'm no good for you
You deserve better
It's been beautiful
But now it's all over...
You'll haunt my dreams
But it's best for you that I leave
It won't take long, just forget me
I walk away now as I try and let you go
As I cry and let you go...

'Cause I care too much to let you down
But I love you too much to let you go
It's time you stop wasting your time on me
This hurts more than you'll ever know...

Have a nice life
My knife'll keep me company
Have a nice life
My knife'll keep me lonely
And I embrace my hate
As I learn to take it all in stride...

Go find your way
Before it's too late
And you regret the time you've wasted
Go on and find your way
'Cause I'm too late
And you'll regret the precious time you wasted...

'Cause I care too much to let you down
But I love you too much to let you go
It's time you stop wasting your time on me
This hurts more than you'll ever know...

Disillusioned by your dream
Pass me by
These tears are empty
My heart's gone dry...
Disillusioned by our dream
Walk on by
My heart is empty
These tears've run dry...

Walk on by now
And pass me by
This world has left me here to die...
It's just a dream
I'm just your dream
But I'm empty...
So wake up and live
You deserve much more than what I can give...

'Cause I care too much to let you down
But I love you too much to let you go
It's time you stop wasting your time on me
This hurts more than you'll ever know...

Black and white.

The black rose sat behind the glass. It lay there tauntingly, daring anyone to break through. Rain fell softly. It was dark, the only light radiating from deep within the heart of this black rose. This haunting elegance...
This rose had turned bitter over these long years. The silk she laid upon had once been the purest of white, as she had once been herself. Alas, the rose had long since been singed and charred by the angry fires of her soul, and the silk, stained with the blood of anyone who had dared to love. Dared to love her, the black rose...
Some saw this rose and immediately wanted her for themselves. They would plunge at her, completely disregarding he glass which shielded her. The glass would shatter and shred the hands of this careless suitor. They would run swiftly away, screaming with pain. They would fear the rose and never return. The rose would cry in her loneliness, her tears rebuilding her glass surroundings...
Others would see the rose and also begin to run straight towards her, but they would see the glass, so they would hurriedly cut through the clear barrier, and reach inside to grab a hold of this rose which they so desired, only to be met with the pain of her sharp thorns. They would also run away bleeding and screaming, never to be seen again, and once again, the rose would be left in loneliness, and she would cry her shield back into perfection...
News of the pain that this rose had caused soon spread across the land. Many feared her presence. Despite this, there were a few who longed to have the beauty that she once possessed, but she never saw this beauty, and she never understood why so many sought after her pain. Of these few, most would run away at the sight of her and her stained perfection. The very few that were left would very carefully cut through the glass, and carefully reach inside for her. They would hold her gently, but all would eventually hold on too tight and would also find themselves bleeding and in pain. They would drop the rose harshly back onto her stained silk bed, scraping against the cut glass as it fell. The broken rose again cried, and her walls were again rebuilt...
This was the rose's life. She felt nothing but pain and bitterness. Her innocence stolen by her years and her heart broken by the carelessness of her cruel world. In her eyes, her beauty was overridden by the stains and scars collected and stored in her mind. This rose hated herself and the pain she knew so well. Her bitterness dampened her spirits. Her anger numbed her heart. Her hate burned her soul. Still, through it all of this, her true beauty would always radiate from her, even if she was blind to it...
And now she lay there, reminiscing in the soft rain fall. In these past years she had been able to hide herself from the world. Her glass wall had thickened and she hid deep within herself. Whenever anyone would happen by now they wouldn't even cast a glance in her direction, for the world now had its eyes on material things. The rose was all more lonely, but she refused to call on anyone to end her despair, for she would rather herself be in pain then someone else. In her mind, she deserved it...
As she lay there, the rose saw someone walking in her direction. She found herself becoming tense. She began to tremble. She prayed that he would walk past her and not cause himself the pain of even daring to glance at her. It was to late though, and it had been for a while, for he had been staring longingly at her for a very long time. His love for her had grown over this time, and he was only now daring to approach her. The rose braced herself for the horrid sound of the shattering glass and the screams, which she was sure would follow his approach. Much to her surprise though, neither of these sounds were heard. Instead he only laid his hands on the glass, and gazed sadly at her. She was again surprised as the glass began to melt. It melted slowly and dripped to ground. Gradually, the rose became more comfortable with the idea that maybe this person wouldn't hurt her. The more the glass melted, the more hope she saw in his eyes. For a moment, she allowed herself to love as well. When the glass was completely gone he reached down to hold her. She could not make herself draw away, and she braced herself for the screaming of pain which would surely be drawn out of him at the touch of her thorns, but again, she was surprised when this did not happen. She saw his blood stain the silk, and she saw pain flicker through his eyes, but love seemed to disregard the pain. He whispered to her softly. He whispered of her beauty and of his love for her. The rose began to cry knowing that she would have to hurt him as she had all the others. Her tears wanted to make her a new shield, but he gently kissed them away. As he kissed her, she felt herself begin melt, and all of her scars and stains began to drip away from her. Soon she saw her bright reflection in his eyes. She was the purest white again, as she had been so very long ago...
Several blissful years came and went. While the rose and her suitor were both perfectly happy, they were both hiding a fear that they felt. The fear that the other would leave. They both began to try and hide these thoughts from themselves, as well, and thought it best that they ignore their fear. Alas, this lack of complete trust was their fatal mistake. One day a wave of fear washed over he who loved this rose, and in his fear he pressed her close to him. Her thorns pierced through his skin and broke the heart of the one the rose had learned to love...
The rose now lay upon the grave of the one she had loved so much, crying. As she cried her glass walls began to form. The silk she laid upon was now the purest red, covered in the blood of the heart she had broken. She cried, and as she did she began to hate herself. She grew bitter. She grew angry. She scorned herself. Slowly her petals began to burn, and soon she was as she had been. A black rose, blind to her own beauty, and hidden from the world. Her last tear dropped onto the silk, and washed away the blood that had been her only reminder of her lost love. She drew within herself and lay in despair. Rain began to fall...
The black rose sat behind the glass. It lay there tauntingly, daring anyone to break through. Rain softly fell. It was dark, the only light radiating from deep within the heart of this black rose. This haunting elegance...

Cry for me.

A pain so deep within me
Blinding me
What's there to see?
Slowly it takes a hold
A dying soul
I lose control
Blood tauntingly drips
A delicate slit
Across my wrist
And I slowly fade away
I cannot take
Another day
Without you...

A cry for help escapes me
Burning words
And energy
The world is turning black
And what I lack
I can't take back
I sense a string of life
Oh precious knife
Please end this strife
Don't cut my rope
My only hope
I cannot cope
Without you...

Kiss these tears from deep inside
Bring them gently to my eyes
Hold my tightly as I fade
And save me from life's masquerade
Whisper lovingly of long, lost dreams
Kiss me softly and cry for me...

What you don't see. (written by Sarah and myself)

Can you see me?
It's unlikely
I'm not real sightly
I'm almost unreal
Yeah, you see the smiles
For miles and miles
I'm hiding my trials
Away from you
Look close you'll see this
Most people miss
I'm needing a bliss
To find my truth
I'm trapped in a noose of death
I fight for only one more breath
Insults are a spiritual meth
To the inside me...

Your true friends know you
More than you do
Your hidden to yourself
But not everyone else
We can all see
What you were meant to be
We would fight this fight
Because we know
What you're going through isn't right
You can't take another blow
We know you're strong
But you won't last long
Because you can only take so much
When you continue to hide from love's touch...

What is love's touch?
I don't get it much
It's hard to believe such
A wonderful thing
It's getting hard to hide
No one to confide
You're all against me
What's the purpose
I am worthless
I can't find the surface
Of my own dreams...

Don't try to hide
What you feel inside
You're strength is drained
As you rebuild your wall
You're wrapped in your own chains
You're not the only one who falls
You're not worthless
God has a purpose
None of us is perfect
But we can only reject ourselves...

But why do you care?
I'm getting more share
Of all the unfair
That's dealt in the world
I do all the right stuff
It's still not enough
It's stormy and rough
And I'm all alone...

This is what you call alone?
I'm sorry, excuse my tone
But exactly what does that make me?
So I don't matter?
Heh, I see
I'm not enough either
Is that how it is?
I've promised to be there
Have I failed you yet?...

You are there
And aware
I'm glad you care
But it's like this
He knows that I
Would rather die
And you keep me alive
So he keeps my away
He knows he's winning
Because he's grinning
My hope is thinning
You and God: my last chance...

To him it's a game
To put you to shame
But what he doesn't see
Is the card up your sleeve
Did you forget too?
We all love you!
Turn around
And see all you have
Just reach out and grab
A hold of what you've got
Don't let him tell you
That you are what you're not...

Maybe you're right
I have lost sight
I let down the fight
For the hold on my dreams...

Liquid insanity.

Pale innocence,
No confidence,
A weak little girl who's lost all sense.

Knowing -- becoming,
Twisting -- numbing,
Away from home she's desparately running.

Sour tears shedding,
Weak spirit melting,
Black light shadows darkly reflecting.

Fire breathing,
Anguish screaming,
Her broken glass heart is delicately bleeding.

Crimson dripping,
Thoughts tripping,
Far away from reality slipping.

Out of her mind,
Falling behind,
Sprinting forward -- stuck in rewind.

Hardened fears,
Shattered mirrors,
Weakening -- drowning in her uncried tears.

Warped vanity.
Spitting profanity.
She's dying -- consumed by her liquid insanity.

Mourning dew.

Questions spinning
Just beginning
Lights dimming
Inside my mind
Trapped inside
Will I die?
Answers evading
Feelings masquerading
All my patience slowly fading...

Emotions crashing
Desires thrashing
Dreams dancing
Inside my mind
Trapped inside
Will I die?
Full of longing
Destiny calling
Into your arms eternally falling...

And I wait for you
As I always do
Waiting, praying
For this all to come true
Patiently
I'll dream of you
As these tears collect like mourning dew...

Time to let me go.

...Mommy, I'm sorry
I didn't mean to hurt you
But you've gotta start seeing things
From my point-of-view...

...I can't do it anymore
I feel so godamn fake
Innocence crumbles to the floor
'Cause it's more than I can take...

...Mommy, I'm sorry
That I caused you pain
But it's over now
I'm not coming back again...

...I have to get out of here
I can barely breathe
I have to face my fears
It's time for me to leave...

...Mommy, I'm sorry
I know you can't understand
But it'll make sense someday
I'll explain it as best I can...

...You knew it had to happen
I've told you over and over again
With every begining comes an end
And whatever ends must again begin...

...I'm tired of my bitter weeping
I have to go to be free
I need to find my meaning
I've gone in search of me...

...Mommy, I'm sorry
But you have to let me go
It's too late now
There's no point in saying no...

...You'll know where I am
I'll be back for you someday
I know you understand
Everything will be okay...

...I can't take all this pressure
I'm jsut trying to survive
I can't take another lecture
I must die to stay alive...

...Now don't you cry
Or do something you'll regret
I promise you I'm fine
And I won't be hard to forget...

Perfect.

A perfect girl
You want to be her
In her perfect world
Where you think you've seen her
You want to know her
You wish to show her
Your pathetic life
And have her sympathize
But you don't see the knife
Held behind her eyes...

You watch her laugh
You see her smile
To you it seems
Her life's worthwhile
And as everyone else
You just can't see
She hates herself
Her state-of-being...

She looks in the mirror
At her disguise
She screams in terror
When she doesn't recognize
Herself anymore
Glass shatters on the floor
Cuts into her skin
And buries itself deep within...

She knows she's ugly
From the inside out
Don't tell her otherwise
Your motives she'll doubt
Don't try to be kind
Or whisper in her ear
She's gone completely blind
And she can no longer hear...

The glass flows through her veins
All the more delicate
She's going insane
She doesn't think she can handle it
But everyone else
Thinks she's perfect
So she can't ask for help
And she stays in torment
While behind her mask
She watches her life pass...

You love her
Tell her this
It helps her
Though she denies it
And when she thinks she can't go on
Let her fall into your arms
Hold this perfect thing you love
Protect her heart from anymore harm...

Longing.

Possibility
Is not reality
Living in fantasy
May cause a fatality
Insanity
Brought by unclarity...

Unreal situations
Swirling emotions
Degrading frustrations
Longing for motion
Frightening confrontations
Caught up in the notion
Fear of elimination
Drowning in this ocean...

Destiny
A mystery
How does this all relate to me?
Eternity
Of uncertainty
Until we act we'll never know what will be...

I love you
I hate this
Could you love me too?
I can't take this
Tell me now
Before I break
Tell me how
To end this heart-ache...

Love me.

Seems I,
Don't know,
Know why,
You are,
So close,
So far...

Hold me,
Warmly,
Tell me,
You see,
Everything,
That I can be...

And I,
Don't know,
Know why,
Can't I,
At night,
Not cry...

Kiss me,
Gently,
Oh please,
Love me,
And hold on,
To possiblity...

Brought down,
No love,
Can't fly,
Not now,
Must be,
Perfected,
Or be,
Rejected...

Whisper,
Lovingly,
Sweetly,
Tenderly,
Softly,
About the future,
And what it holds for me...

Tell me,
Why I,
Can't find,
Answers,
Somwhere,
I am,
Nowhere,
Why...?

Save me,
From me,
Why can't,
You see,
No one can, just let me be...

When you,
Look in,
My eyes,
Surprised?
Caught in,
My plans,
For my,
Demise...

All these,
Uncried,
Held back,
Inside,
Always there,
To hide behind...

Why am,
Am I,
Alive,
Tell me,
The point,
Survive,
Then die,
That's life,
A lie...

Lost in,
No sense,
Caved in,
So tense,
No relief,
From this crushing suspense...

Save me,
Keep me,
Hold me,
This is,
My plea,
Won't you,
Love me?...

Dark tears,
My fears,
Shattered mirrors,
Sharp glass,
Broken reflections,
You'd better run fast...

Red blood,
Runs down,
My arm,
What fun,
It drips,
Slowly,
From my,
Slit wrist...

Red water,
Full sink,
Their daughter,
They think...

Down the,
Dark drain,
Goodbye,
Mistakes,
They don't,
Know me,
They don't,
Own me...

Not there,
Everywhere,
Uphill,
Hard climb,
Lost in the moments, and rushed by time...

Hiding,
Wishing,
You would,
Find me,
And then,
Save me,
From them...

Take me,
Home and,
Hold me,
So cold,
Could you,
Possibly,
Care about,
Just me...

Love me,
No way,
Couldn't be,
Run away,
So lost, running everywhere, in search of a dream...

These scars,
Are here,
Will you,
Stay near,
Look past,
This mask,
Love me,
For who I am...

I am,
A girl,
A teen,
In my,
Own world,
Killed by,
My dream,
But I,
Am lost,
Seeking,
The cross,
And so it all ends happily...

Today.

Hey God, where are You today?
Just wanted to ask why You seem so far away,
Everything suddenly stopped being okay,
So God, I need to know where You are today.

Because I've fallen again,
Fallen to my knees,
And I've hurt my friends,
Again, God, I need you here with me.

I need to feel Your warm embrace,
I need You to wipe these tears away,
And restore that lost smile to my face,
Dear God, I need You more than anything today.

I'm sorry God,
I've ignored You for too long,
But I feel so unloved,
Please, come back and prove me wrong.

Jesus, my Savior, I'm sorry I hurt You,
After all You did for me,
Please, come and make me new,
Come now, please, and set me free.

Hey God, where are You today?
I'm so sorry for pushing You away,
I know You'll make everything okay,
God, please, save my soul today.

Suicidal spirit: Call to death.

Oh death, I need your cold embrace
I just don't think I can handle this
Too many scars that cannot be erased
Addicted to sorrow's sweet, dark kiss
There is nothing left inside
I have nothing left to give
All these tears are left uncried
And I don't think that I will live
Through all this this pain
Never-ending crimson rain
And all this strife
Hypnotized, seducted by the knife
Death, come now, I'm yours to claim
I'm sick of this nothing that you call life
I can't find love
I've looked everywhere
And I've had enough
Of the sun's bright glare
Come, take me now
Surronded and lonely
Seems you're the only way out
Come, loving and slowly
Let me fade away
Into the black night
I can't take another day
I'm giving up the fight...

Unloved.

Crimson comes fast
At her own hand
Comes back from the past
Guess it wasn't the end
The blade is sharp
Cutting beautifully
Bleeding in the dark
And stopping it mournfully
Adrenaline rush
She can't stop shaking
Enchanted by blood
She's yours for the taking
The metal glints brightly
In an invisible light
For darkness surrounds her
This time it won the fight
Crying dark tears
Hiding all fears
All these long years
Her futures unclear
'Cause the window's tinted red
Broken, shattered
She wants to be dead
Nobody loves her
And no one cares
But life goes on
A sorrowful song
Rip, tear
Cut, shred
All of her feelings come dripping out red
A crimson tear
Drowns this white rose
Which you held to dear
But you never told
So slowly it withered
From the inside out
Choked by shame
Whipped by doubt
And now it's gone
No time for goodbye
If only you'd told her
You didn't want her to die...

Hopeless end.

Why does this feel so good
And yet I know it's wrong
Unable to do what I should
How long will this go on
I hate myself
In every way
I won't get help
In this dark place i stay
No one to love me
I'm left all alone
Bitterly weeping
My pain is unknown
I feel so small
Hiding this pain
Below it all
And it starts to rain
Drops of crimson
Fall from silver slouds
Streams of scarlet
Form on the ground...

The rose's tears.

Waves of temptation wash over me
Longing for my sweet, crimson release
I can't give in to this river's current
Wounds don't heal being constantly reopened...

I hate myself so much
So mentally exahuasted
I yearn for the blade's touch
In this maze of feelings I fear
You have completely lost me
And I am searching
For the beauty of a crimson tear...

Melodies of hope, I need your soft serenading
Bring back my joy, which is quickly fading
I cry out to God as this attack begins
I know that He can cause this pain's end...

Everywhere red roses lay
Stained by the blood their thorns have made
Now in the darkness of sorrow the hide
Slowly withering under the pressure of lies...

Let go.

You throw yourself against the wall,
And wonder why it doesn't help,
You say it's better than what I did,
But you're still hurting yourself,
I used to let out my own blood,
Instead of my held back tears,
Don't you see that you are doing,
The very thing that you once feared?
You say that you're not suicidal,
So very unlike me,
Smash your hand against the wall,
No harm done, you see?...

This anger you hold,
Is dissolving your soul,
Now it's time to let go,
You're so angry inside,
Just close your eyes,
And let go...

I was so afraid for you,
You were starving yourself,
I thought there was nothing I could do,
You wouldn't accept my help,
You don't know how it hurts me,
When you refuse to trust me,
Unknowingly betray me,
When you refuse to let me see,
But I've seen you change,
I know you're frightened,
But you can stay the same now because,
You're grip on reality finally tightened...

This numbness you hold,
Is dissolving your soul,
Now it's time to let go,
You're so numb inside,
Just close your eyes,
And let go...

I wanted to die,
I thought I was pointless,
I drew on my wrists,
Told myself I was useless,
I would never amount to anything,
Until I finally opened my eyes,
Now I can finally see,
I was being chained with lies,
The demons are gone now,
I cried out to God,
Jesus showed me how,
To let out tears instead of blood...

I know I helped you get to,
This place you don't want to be,
I don't blame you now,
For not trusting yourself to listen to me,
But can't you see that I've been changed,
And that I am no longer the same,
Didn't you see me conquer my pain?
You're ignoring me now and it's driving me insane!

This pain you hold,
Is dissolving your soul,
Now it's time to let go,
You're so hurting inside,
Just close your eyes,
And let go...

Let your emotions show,
Then let them go,
Let your tears flow,
Then let the world know,
You will not be chained down,
Your spirit won't be drowned,
You've learned to let go,
Just take it slow,
You can start living now,
Just let go...

The power of God.

I renounce the calling
Of pain and blood
All in the name
Of the Living God
Demons leave me
You I no longer fear
Jesus set me free
My heart is now clear
With the pain I'm through
I no longer want you

These shattered dreams
Are no longer sharp
These silent screams
Finally pierced the dark
These held back tears
Now flow freely
These hidden fears
Are now brought healing
Tears replace blood
By the power of God

For these chains to break
I've waited so long
Now finally they've made
God's loving, merciful crown
I refuse to go back
To that horrible sin
When Satan attacks
I can find peace within
I've found Jesus again
This pain will end

I thought I needed you
But it was a lie
I was numb and confused
I closed my eyes
I felt so weak
Lost inside myself
The future was bleak
I refused to get help
But I cried and I prayed
And God showed me the way

Shattered soul.

So far no one,
Seems to notice me,
And it seems no one,
Will ever see,
All my insecurities,
But all l need,
Is for one person to believe in me...

I need someone,
To see through my mask,
But it seems that no one,
Will ever ask,
Doesn't anyone wonder,
About the real me?
All I do is wander,
Across this field of lost dreams,
Will anyone believe,
In what I can't?
Tell me what might be,
If I can find the strength to stand...

How can't you see,
How much I hate myself?
Turn your back and leave,
And never offer any help,
You see, I smile on the outside,
And tell you that I'm fine,
But can't you see that on the inside,
I just want to die?...

Won't anyone,
Tell me I'm beautiful?
Won't anyone,
Somehow see some potential,
Deep within my heart?
How long could it take?
Is it really that hard?
Please for my sake,
Find some good somehow,
In my decaying soul,
Is it too late now,
To try to make me whole?...

I feel so pathetic
Please just prove me wrong,
I just can't stand this,
I've waited so long,
And I'm trying to hold on,
But if there's a point I can't see it,
And I'm trying to move on,
If there's a reason please tell me what it is,
'Cause right now,
I feel pretty damn useless,
Please tell me how,
I'm not completely worthless...

Good enough,
I'll never be,
For you that's tough,
'Cause you can't see,
Your standards are too fucking high,
And when I'm not perfect,
I see the disappointment in your eyes,
Everything I do you reject,
I will always be a disappointment,
I am my own constant torment,
'Cause when I'm not perfect,
I feel like a nobody,
I crave some respect,
Will I ever be somebody?...

Death is a fantasy,
Brought on by broken dreams,
Things I can't see,
Drifting on the stream,
Made of desire,
Hope and faith,
Love to acquire,
And friends to make,
But my streams going dry,
And you are the sun,
Can't you tell me why,
You seem to find this fun?...

I've been forgotten,
'Cause I have nothing to give,
This web I'm caught in,
This lie that I live,
Won't someone let me cry?
Does anyone care?
Would you noticed if I died?
Do I even dare?
Would you notice at all,
If I suddenly wasn't there?
Will you catch me when I fall?
Or will I suddenly disappear?...

Put your arms around me,
Tell me it's okay to cry,
Soothe away there insecurities,
Untangle these ropes so I can fly,
I feel so weak,
From this constant struggling,
I'm such a freak,
Could anyone ever love me?...

I never think of myself,
I push everyone away,
Easier to focus on everyone else,
And lie that everything's okay,
When I say to leave me alone,
I don't meant it,
My pain remains unknown,
This mask, please see through it,
Just look into my eyes,
They're always full of tears,
Oh how I long to cry,
I need someone to understand my fears...

My dreams are shattered to pieces,
By the stone of my own doubt,
This breaking never ceases,
As I swear, scream, and shout,
The knife of hopelessness,
Leaves scars on my wrist,
I don't think I can cope with this,
The anger persists,
And with my numb brush,
I paint myself new dreams,
My ink is my blood,
But they're again shattered by my silent screams...

And endless cycle of despair,
Please just put your arms around me,
Are the demons really there?
Tell me you truly love me,
Let me know that there's a way,
Because I feel so lost,
Tell me everything's okay,
Out the window hope I tossed,
Please catch it,
Before it too breaks,
Can another flame be lit?
How much more can I take?...

I'm sinking
Into eternal sorrow,
I'm drinking,
My blood, trying to get through tomorrow,
No one understands,
I want to give up,
My life feels so bland,
So I again self-destruct...

This pain enchants me,
I'm my worst enemy,
It's better than feeling nothing,
I'm sick of seeing everything,
And I have no love to blind me,
It's pain to escape the nothingness,
To know I'm still alive,
But the pain leads back to numbness,
And it's all that's left inside...

This sick addiction,
Searching for my solace,
Doubts and dreams cause friction,
Is depression what they call this?
I guess I wouldn't know,
'Cause I deny anything's wrong,
This pain is hard to show,
And now I think I've waited too long...

Beautiful I'll never be,
Staring at the mirror,
Am I really that ugly?
I scream again,
And the mirror is gone,
But without a friend,
It's not gone long,
I hate this reflection,
I tell myself it's not there,
But it's my only companion,
And no one else seems to care...

Surrounded by lies,
When I'm supposed to have truth,
Into the night go silent cries,
Will I ever be made new?
I'm again brought to my knees,
By the weight of tears,
I make new scars that no one can see,
To try and chase away my fears,
I think of suicide,
And ponder life,
Do I want to die?
I pick up the knife...

A stream of red,
Runs down the drain,
Wishing I was dead,
I'm in so much pain,
And no one seems to care,
No one even tries,
This seems so unfair,
They don't look at what's inside,
And see all the things I might've been,
If only someone had asked,
But I'm brought back to the knife again,
'Cause no one sees through the mask...

I'm just another shattered soul,
Maybe that's why no one sees,
The knife goes dull,
But I sharpen it when no one believes,
Are they too busy helping everyone else?
Or does my mask seem that real?
I can't rely on myself,
I've lost the ability to feel,
Someone please help me,
Someone let me cry,
Can anyone save me?
Or have I already died?...

I tell myself just one more day,
Maybe things could be better,
I could find the path from which I've strayed,
But things never quite work out,
And I'm back to square one,
Again clouds of doubt,
Cover up the sun,
Some stress is relieved,
When I'm with friends,
But after they leave,
I'm left with myself again...

I hate myself,
Everyone else hates me too,
I hate everyone else,
I don't know that to do,
I write pointless poems,
Stories no one reads,
These doubts form another stone,
And it again shatters dreams...

Someone's always better than me,
I'll never be the best,
But all I really need,
Is some long awaited rest,
I'm sick of being average,
But I guess that's true of everyone,
I'm sitting here at the edge,
Calling out for someone,
Anyone that has the time,
Anyone that would care,
This mountain will be hard to climb,
Can you promise to be there?...

I don't know why I feel like this,
I can't understand myself,
I forget what life is like without this,
Joy is sitting on a dusty shelf,
Do you care to take the time,
To whisper one kind word,
To tell my it's okay to cry,
And let my pain be heard,
Because all I am,
Is another shattered soul,
Please do anything you can,
To try and make me whole...

Our generation.

We are,
A hurting generation,
Broken and scarred,
Are these beautiful creations,
Bound by the pain,
Of hateful pasts,
The empty shells that remain,
Are left to rot on life's path,
A hurting generation,
This is our cry,
We crave a revelation,
And we need to know why,
We're plagued with your sorrow,
Brainwashed by hate,
We're your tomorrow,
And we're yours to break...
We've only become,
What you expected us to be,
Cold-hearted and numb,
So from us you flee,
Afraid of what you've made,
Unwanted and unloved,
It's too late for an escape,
You can't undo what's been done,
A hurting generation,
Can't you hear our silent cries,
Raised by a corrupt nation,
Don't you see the fear in our eyes?...
We cry out for peace,
That is our plea,
Our innocence to keep,
Is all that we need,
And our lives are now run,
By the big corporations,
Why is it us you shun?
Our hurting generation,
Rampaged by war,
Respect has been lost,
We need to know what we're living for,
Can we afford what it will cost?...
You say that we're worthless,
But we're smarter than that,
We know we're not useless,
We've no choice but to fight back,
People love to hate,
And we don't understand,
Beautiful lives are at stake,
So together we must ban,
To save this world from itself,
Before hope is truly gone,
Let's think less about ourselves,
Because this has gone on way too long...
We are the world's tomorrow,
Good with us can start,
So don't hide your face now,
Because there are no small parts,
On life's little stage,
A difference we can make,
They can't keep us in a cage,
We will break these chains of hate,
This hurting generation,
Control we are taking,
We will be a revelation,
We are peace in the making...

The world's angel.

You dwell on the dark
But you're surrounded by light
Pain's made it's mark
And now you hide in the night
I know how you feel
I've been there too
Life seems surreal
This world is cruel

When you eat at all you throw it up
Committing a slow suicide
Your arms and wrists you cut
As you keep it all inside
Don''t you know it's not too late
These scars will heal in time
They've tried to chain you down with hate
But I know that you can fly

You think you can't cope
And claim you're worthless
Can't you see that there's hope
And that your life isn't worthless
I'll always be there
Don't you believe me
When I tell you I care
I'll be the friend you need

How can you be so sad
When I see joy deep within your heart
I know that life's been bad
But you can have a fresh start
The tears you've cried are not in vain
I understand your strife
Yes I know I see your pain
Can't you see the beauty in your life

The world needs an angel
And that angel is you
Sorrow tries to strangle
But I know you'll see it through
The angel of the world
Spreading inspiration and love
And as your life is unfurled
Everyone can see that your sent from above

Cut.

Life's too much for me,
Drowning in a bloody sea,
These crimson stains that I've made,
Everything I feel is in the blade.
I'm cut,
Caught between life and death,
Caught up,
Just struggling for a breath,
'Cause this makes no sense,
That I'm never content.
My life is killing me,
And I'm afraid I'm to blame,
I've caused myself to bleed,
Now these scars are all that remain...

I want to cry these scarlet tears into a permanent sleep,
And fly away from this violence into a never-ending dream...

Death can be tempting,
When life is hell,
I just need a different setting,
Where I can come out of my shell.
Full of shame,
Pain and guilt,
I'm going insane,
And I just want to melt,
Into his arms,
While I scream and cry,
And he keeps me from harm,
While I find comfort in his eyes...

I cut myself to take away the pain,
And thses crimson drops fall like rain...

I just want to be held tight,
I need to know he really cares,
I need a break from this fight,
Won't you try to mend these tears?
Just try to understand,
The pain I'm in,
And hold out your hand,
To help me through this sin.
It's hard to avoid,
The unavoidable,
Can't we destroy,
The indestructible?...

Hold me in your arms and tell me everything's okay,
Please love me enough to never go away...

Someone please love me,
I'm just so stressed,
Can't anyone see,
Why I'm such a mess?
I don't know why,
I feel this way,
But please hold me while I cry,
And soothe this haunting pain.
I'm disgusted with myself,
And I'm so confused,
Talking doesn't help,
Is there anything left for me to lose?...

These delicate wings, will they ever fly again?
You know that this life is far too young to end...

Raining blood: A cry for help.

I'm screaming inside,
Being torn apart,
But I don't know why,
When did this start?
Just sitting here wondering what happened to my heart.

I never thought I could,
But now it feels strangely good,
I know it's not right,
It just happened one night,
Something sears inside as the emptiness takes flight.

Blood is raining,
My soul is straining,
And I cannot contain,
All this horrible pain,
It takes everything I've got just to get through the day.

The numbness burns,
And they cannot know,
I don't need their concern,
I can't let the pain show,
They all surround me and yet I'm terribly alone.

I'm caught up in the chains,
Of this mystical pain,
I don't want to die,
I want only to fly,
I just can't figure out what's making me cry.

Blood is raining,
My dreams are fading,
And all this pain,
Cannot be restrained,
I'm tired of waiting for all the somedays.

Who will teach me to smile again?
I just need someone to be my friend,
Someone to shelter me from this pain,
Just to help me through these days,
Won't someone please try to make things okay?

I just don't know what's making me sad,
They tell me I've never seen strife,
So explain to me why it hurts so bad,
The say I have a great life,
They obviously don't know about the hypnotic knife.

Blood is raining,
Softly serenading,
Overwhelmed by shame,
Giving into the pain,
Won't someone please end this sickening game?






I would like to make a note that this poem can be found in a book put out be an organization called Teen Mania. I wrote this a long time ago when I was at a different point in my life, and while I am grateful for how Teen Mania helped me in the past, I am no longer a supporter of the organization.

Parabola.

...Sorrow comes,
When joy fades,
Hearts go numb,
From too much pain.

So self involved,
We no longer care,
No problems are solved,
When we just sit and stare.

There's no take two,
You get only one chance,
Don't regret what you don't do,
It could be your last dance.

I know you've been hurt,
You feel so trapped,
They tell you you're dirt,
Your soul is chapped.

There is hope,
Don't give in,
Cut the rope,
You're tangled in...

...I am tangled in,
This rope,
I can't give in,
But where is hope?

My soul is chapped,
I feel like dirt,
I am so trapped,
I've been so hurt.

This might be my last dance,
And I'm regretting what I didn't do,
Did I waste my last chance,
Can't I have a take two?

I sit here and stare,
And no problems are solved,
It's hard to care,
Am I that self involved?

From too much pain,
Hearts go numb,
When my joy fades,
My sorrow comes...