Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Perfectly little girl.

Anna - why do you taunt me?
Every night you sit and stare,
I can feel you there.
Anna - do you hate me?
You're saying you love me
So why are you screaming?
Anna - where did you you come from?
I don't remember inviting you here,
Why am I the one you're choosing?
You'll suck the life out of me...

She's here and she's not leaving.
Her arms are wrapped so tightly,
Suffocating - she's squeezing.
Everything is leaving me,
And she shall consume me.
She is taking everything.
Anna - what are you doing?...

Perfection is her only aim.
Anna - it's a deadly game.
You know that I cannot attain,
This sickly goal you've set for me,
But I can't blame this on you.
Anna - I know you're screams hold truth.
You're only harsh for my own good.
Anna - you know I love you...

I'm fine.

I bleed away my problems
I scratch them all away
My problems drip away from me
And slither down the drain

My problems are dissolved in crimson
My scarlet poison makes them die
A piece of metal shatters them
And through my veins the pieces fly

These scars upon my skin
Tell tales of secret pain
But come and listen to them
Of the truth I'm not ashamed

My problems are hidden from you
I hide them oh so well
What's wrong? I tell you nothing
'Cause you can't save me from this hell






I would like to point out that I am the original author of this poem. I gave permission to an organization called Teen Mania to use my works in some of their books. It has also apparently been included in an informational pamphlet about self-injury. I have since found this poem in many other places on the internet with other people claiming it as their own. This is a piece that I wrote when I was going through a hard time many years ago, and it's very personal, so it disturbed me when I found out that other people were claiming it as their own. I'm flattered that people like it, a little sad that they can apparently relate to it, and I don't have any problems with it being posted, as long as proper credit is given as to where they found it.
I would also like to say that I am at a different point in my life now, and I am a little embarrassed to be affiliated with Teen Mania and their founder, Ron Luce. I am no longer a supporter of that organization, but am still grateful for how they helped me in the past, and I hope that they are using my words in ways that will show light to someone.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Who are you?

You were so hot! I was sure I liked you!... Then you opened your mouth. What's up with that? Let's back up, and how about you don't do that this time, okay?

Don't act like such a stupid high school boy
Tell me I'm pretty, then shut up and kiss me
I'm so sick of stupid high school boys
Quit trying to impress them, 'cause I don't care!

There's gotta be something
Under all that face paint
Behind your drugs and whores
Don't show me the same thing
All your friends see everyday
'Cause I know you're worth so much more
Than this

Why won't you talk to me?
And tell me the truth now?
Can't I know who you are?
'Cause I'm not scared to see
What you live with everyday
Break through emotion's jail bars
Be brave

Hi, I'm Broken. What's your name?

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

Move on.

Cry, baby, cry
It's gonna be okay
I know you wanna die
But it'll be okay, baby

I know you hate it here
Ah, sweetie, we all do
I know you're trapped in here
So, baby, get well soon

We've been where you are now
Let's make it together
C'mon, I'll show you how
Let's move on together

I know you feel alone
When you cry yourself to sleep
You can feel it in your bones
Heart and soul, dying -- weep

It's gonna be okay, baby
You'll see someday, baby
Just crawl through today now, baby
I know you wann run away now, baby

But we've been where you are now
So let's try this together
C'mon, sweetie, I'll show you how
Can we move on together?

Tuesday, April 6, 2004

Death.

Not enough yet
No not enough
Better keep going
You have to be tough
'Cause it's not enough yet
Just a little bit more
You'll be satisfied then
Come on now, baby, let it pour
It doesn't sting that bad
You whimp, deeper this time
That's not enough yet
Blood's everywhere -- don't cry
You'll be there soon
Don't give up now
Once more now -- deeper
This is your only way out
Is that enough yet?
No, let's try again
It doesn't hurt enough yet
But soon this will end
Just a little bit farther
Bleed it all away
But you're still here
Close your eyes, bitch, and pray
You worthless whore!
You can't even die?
You're so pathetic!
But that's okay, now you're mine
Bleed little girl
Bleed 'til your gone
Bloody and scarred
You'll be dead before long
It's almost over
You can do it -- go on
Just a little more blood
Don't quit now -- what's wrong?
It stings, but who cares?
That's barely a scratch!
Oh, you've barely seen pain!
With your veins still intact
So keep going now
Come on -- almost there
Deeper now -- harder
Because nobody cares
Slip away, little girl
Lay your head down and sleep
And when you wake in the morning
You'll see it wasn't that deep
So try again
I know you'll do it this time
Come on, I know you can
And why would I lie?
I love you, little girl
So come -- be with me
I'll embrace and protect you
I am what you need
I'm light in the darkness
I'm warmth in the cold
I'm someone in the loneliness
So do what you're told!
No, that's not right!
I want it to gush
What the hell is wrong with you?
That's not good enough!
You must please me now
You are my slave!
So bleed more this time
Little girl -- behave
Listen to me
Because I know best
I'll be your friend, little girl
And my name -- is Death

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Senseless.

They scream
And wonder why I hide
They deny the truth
Then think I've lied

They fight
And wonder why I'm mad
They steal
And wonder what I have

They stab
And wonder why I cry
They chain me down
Then tell me fly

They push
And wonder why I pull
They stuff
And then assume I'm full

They kill
And think I'm alive
They stare
And think they see inside

This world is senseless
This world is confused
This world is senseless
And we need some refuge

I'm alone
They wonder why I weep
I'm empty
They don't see what I seek

I speak
But they can't hear what I say
I'm dead
They think just one more day

I'm bruised
They wonder why I hurt
I'm me
But they think I'll convert

I'm weak
They wonder why I don't run
I bleed
They stare in confusion

I glare
They wonder what is wrong
I'm trapped
Where they think I belong

This world is senseless
This world is confused
This world is senseless
We need some refuge

Angel.

Angel songs
And angel wings
Teach my to fly
Teach me to sing

Angel eyes
And angel tears
Won't wash away
All of these fears

Angel scars
An angel bleeds
And on her blood
My demons feed

Angel halo
Angel speaks
She's silenced by
My human screams

My angel knife
An angel blade
These bloody tears
With scarring stains

Angel's embrace
Angelic kiss
What you don't have
You'll never miss

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Beautiful one.

Ah your life
It drips away
Melting
Silver drops among the black
Stars at night
You die

But shine
Glitter
Flow across the sky
My beautiful one

Ah the time
It flies away
Falling
Streaks of color along the blue
Sun through rain
You cry

But glow
Shimmer
Slip across the sky
My beautiful one

Ah these flames
They burn away
Breathing
A burst of light amidst the dark
Love brings pain
You bleed

But burn
Flicker
Shoot across the sky
My beautiful one

Ah this hate
It eats away
Consuming
A wave of weakness to pull you down
Lost and lonely
You scream

So fade
Return
Make your home in the sky
Oh my beautiaful one

Tuesday, March 2, 2004

Kill me.

I want to die
I need to die
Because I just can't take this
Weak and alone
There's nothing here
Hollow and numb
There's nothing here
And I just can't care
Because there's no fucking point
I'm so much better off dead
No one even knows me
So how could they care
They can't and don't and so...
I want to die
I need to die
Because I just can't take this
Blades and blood
Can't soothe me now
Masks and lies
Won't sooth me now
And no one's here to hold me
To tell me it's okay
And to kiss away
These non-existant tears of mine
Please, let me cry
Please, let me sleep
Please, love me...
Baby, I know that you can't
I know I'm not perfect
So I'm sorry
There's no strength left in me
So kill me
Because I am too weak...

Lethal.

Tears within me
Always hidden inside
No air, I'm drowning
No motivation to survive
Pain within me
Always hidden inside
No strength, I'm dying
There's no need to stay alive

Blood seeps out of this heart
Blood soothes this soul
I'm hollow, I'm broken
Can't hold it in anymore

Alone with myself
In my own living hell
Too weak to escape
Too hated to be helped
And I scream
But nobody hears
So I'm alone again
It's just me and the mirror

And like the mirror, I'll shatter
I'm just living a lie
I'm too weak to go on
Too weak to cry
Drowning
In my own fucking tears
No one to save me
Because nobody's here

Saturday, February 7, 2004

Broken.

I am a stupid, useless, and worthless little bitch.
I just don't care.
I will never survive this.
I hate myself.
I can't take this.
I'm going to die.
I'm never going to stop.
I am me.
I am the devil.
Or not.
Because even my demons hate me.
They beat on me.
They scream at me.
I am a stupid, useless, and worthless little bitch.

You tell me to talk about it.
And yet not to identify with it.
You tell me to be myself, to speak my mind.
But you're scared of me.
And when I say what I mean.
You tell me to shut-up.
You tell me to stop.

Sunshine, joy, rainbows.
That's just not me.
Blood, darkness, tears.
I wish it wasn't.
I need somebody.
I'm not sure who.
But whoever you are.
Please come soon.
I love you.
I need you to love me.
Because I can't.

I'll smile if that's what it takes.
If you'll leave me alone then.
But behind it all.
I'll still be here.
I am scarred.
I am bleeding.
I will always bleed.
You can't stop me.
You can't escape your guilty hell.
Anymore than I can escape my own.
So you care about yours.
And I'll take on mine.
But don't think I will help you.
I'm just too weak.
But I'll smile for you.
If that's what it takes.

Where are you?
Why aren't you here?
I need you now.
I'm going to die.
Please keep me safe.
Hold me.
Love me.
Tell me it's all okay.
Fill me with your lies.

I am darkness.
I am what you fear most.
I am not crazy.
I am only me.
I am imperfection.
I am ugly.
I am what makes you scream.
Will you die with me?

Suffocate me.
Beat me.
Scream all you want.
But I will haunt you.
Be careful of the promises you make.

I am scared.
I am alone.
I am the thing I most fear.
I am me.
I am unloved.
I am screaming.
I am bleeding.
I am drowning.
I am sobbing.
I am desparate.
I will die.
Will you save me?

Blood.
Metal.
Stinging.
Soaking.
Bruising.
Scarring.
Veins.
Life.
Death.

I slip away.
Darkness.
I will be cold.
I will be nothing.
Instead of something.
That cannot be.
Please hate me.

I am an angel.
With broken halo.
And tattered wings.
Never will I fly.

I am my demon.
Claws sharpened.
And tongue ready to kill.
Never will I escape.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Innocent.

Tears if fire,
Burn innocent eyes,
In her world of ice,
She cannot hide,
On broken glass,
She leaves her footprints of red,
A broken, shattered life,
She wants to be dead...

Alone,
She shivers and cries,
Longing for solace,
To keep her alive,
A gentle kiss,
Is all that she needs,
She closes her eyes,
To taste her sweet dreams...

She's broken,
But her beauty's inside,
Look past the scars,
And into her eyes,
A pure light,
Can still be seen,
Brightly it shines,
For she still believes...

Maybe,
She'll one day be free,
Someone will save her,
From her dark misery,
Her faith,
Wraps her up -- keeps her safe,
She knows someone will love her,
It's not yet too late...

The mirror,
It taunts her to death,
But she just stares back,
And keeps fighting for breath,
She will not be defeated,
By the hatred in her wounds,
She refuses,
To let her world be her tomb...

Crimson,
It may cover her wrists,
But she's moving on still,
Hope -- her catalyst,
With her crystal soul,
Covered in cracks,
From so many beatings,
Still it remains intact...

Do you see her now?
Can you kiss away her tears?
Will you hold her?
And turn her away from the mirror?
Can you love her?
As you do your own life?
Will you save her now?
Can you see past the knife?...