Friday, June 10, 2005

Hate and remedy.

You've never met me,
But you apparently,
Know me extremely well.
You tell me everything,
About me...
I'm sick.
I'm strange.
Depressed.
Derranged.
And you're so good,
At hating me...
We've never spoken,
But you seem to know,
Everything about me.
You scream at me,
So loud...
I'm gross.
I'm broken.
Insane.
Outspoken.
And you let me know,
That you hate me...
I've never hurt you,
But you're so offended,
With everything I do,
I hate you too!

God help me,
To be patient,
With the demons,
Of this world.
They come to kill,
But you will protect.
Help me to love them.
I'm sorry,
For lashing out,
In anger,
For revenge.
Take my hate,
Mold it into something useful,
To carry out Your will.
Destroy my anger.
Tell these demons,
To forget what I've said.
Fill them with Your words.
Take this evil out of me.
Destroy me,
And fill me with the new.
I want to live for You...

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Fall again.

So I think that no one believes me,
When I say that I wish --
I wish you would kill me.
I feel they're laughing at me,
But honestly I'm not --
I'm not thinking this could be.

Because life is so fucked up,
I think that I'll just end it.
Life is so full of shit,
That I think I'll just let go.
That's when I see I'm not holding on...

Falling faster than I can comprehend.
Invisibly it seems 'cause no one's worried.
Smack against the pavement a mangeld mess,
And all they see is the outline of chalk.
Granite marks what could've been.

Roll over to another blood soaked pillow.
Lick the salty emotion into me.
Hoping to bring me back to the world of the living.
Fall again,
Catch me, drop me,
Fall again.

Bitter.

It's all slipping away
I held on too hard
It's slipping right through my fingers
I shot for the stars
And now this bitter aftertaste lingers here...

Everything was right here
A perfect reflection of everything I wanted
Smears of blood were washed away
And now it seems my dreams were haunted
Where I am now longs for yesterday...

You're all slipping away
You had my trust
You're running from me and leaving me here
Nothing to love
Is a catalyst for the bitter tears...

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Trophy.

So now I know how you feel
When you say you're disappointed in yourself
It's hurting to breathe
Because every part of me
Is denying that I am indeed alive

You watch as I smile
Not knowing it's all for you
I act for the prize again
My trophy shines and I'm hoping
You'll see that I'm worthy of your love
But you don't even notice when I fall

Screams fall upon deaf ears
And darkness covers sight like fog
Yet again I find
Nothing will ever be real

It's hurting to smile now
Because every part of me
Is denying that I am indeed content
And it's hurting to think
Because futile dreams
Are holding back thoughts of reality

Monday, June 6, 2005

No.

Everything is slipping away from me.
All of my hopes... right through my fingers.
Sometimes,
I think I hold on too hard.
A bitter aftertaste sharply lingers.
It stays here,
And darkness tries to pull me down.
Again.
But I'm not going back there.
All the rejection in the world, Can't take me back there...
Sometimes,
You have to get dragged through the dirt.
To make getting up,
Worth it all.
A blue sky,
Looks so much betterm After years.
Of nothing.

It's falling apart.
Everything.
The darkness tries to pull me down again.
I'm not going back.
I won't fall apart again...

Sunday, June 5, 2005

Honestly.

Death rides upon preconceived notions of life.
Death caused by self is nothing more than a horrifying truth.
Truth is, in this day, terrifying because it causes pain.
Like I do.
And like you did to me.

Fall.

So I think I'm slipping back again
It's funny how I have it all together
Only to find out I was wrong again
I thought about it too much I guess
And last night I fell again
Allowed myself to feel again
But the numbness will always be there

Broken promises I made
And then excuses
I piece it back together
Until another rock
Flies at this fragile window of mine
Time stops again

Dreams of a better life
Loving arms will hold like glue
But you can always tell I've shattered
Cracks in the plaster
Always give the fights away

And a scream is heard across the hall
Until you realize it's all in your head
And your demons are staring at you again
Sleep little child and forget your tears
Wake to darkness and scream again

Falling with nothing to break
Consuming motion will cut you to bits
And they all watch
And they all laugh
But in the end
You realize you've gotten up again
And it's time for another trip

Saturday, June 4, 2005

Dare.

Cravings clawing
At my brain
Truth or dare
A deadly game
I will not lose
To anyone
I'll do anything
For perfection
I dare you
Beat me, slap me
I won't make a sound
And no emotion
Will escape from me
Taunt me, kick me
No cringe will you see
You'll never win against me
I invented this game
Because you wanted to play
Are you having fun yet?

Another.

Save me, please
It's taking over
Though no pain will find me here at first
It will burn through my skin
And then -- it will dance
It will tear apart my nerves
But I won't scream
Silence echoes through my brain
I am unable to breathe
I only stare
I am in shock
Watching as I disappear
I will dissolve and wash away
Will you remember me?

Save me, please
It's taken over
I can't feel one goddamn thing
You've made me numb
Because you know I long to feel
Anything -- am I dead?
Please just let me die!
I know you don't want me here
Abandon me like so many times before
Leave me with nothing again
How long can I go with only hate
To fill my soul?
Bleed to death in darkness
Can you see me?

Save me, please
You're taking over
But how could know what you're doing to me?
Just be looking at me
Just by lying
Like you do so well
You cannot see me here
You monster
How dare you give me hope!
Just to snatch it away!
Bait for your game -- I am your prey
You are sick -- just as I am
Kiss my poison lips
Can you taste me?

Save me, please
You've taken over
And I hate you for it
How dare you make promises
I love you
With all that I am
It's too bad that you will never know
How I long to be with you
If only you could love me
Can you see me?
Do you care?
Hold me anyway
And feed me with your lies
For I will not survive
One more day alone
Please, please... save me!

I hate you for not loving me! What must I do to change your mind???

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Veins.

Do you know what it's like to bleed away your problems?
If my veins burst open,
Brining forth my soul to you,
Would you cry for me?
Then might you care?
My blood is on your hands...
And it would be such a lovely suicide...