Whole

It's different than what you think.
Falling in love with a human being.
Falling in love with someone who is whole.
Someone who doesn't need you.
Someone who chooses you.
Wakes up every morning and chooses you.
You can love a whole person,
With a whole love.
A full love.
A deep, warm love.
A hot love.

You sparked my desire.
Now you bask in my flame.

Don't

I didn't need to be told.
I needed to be shown.

I didn't know
That when the trust between us
Cracked
That it would spread
Across my whole heart

I didn't know
That I was losing so much more
Than you
I didn't know
That I would lose everyone

Doubts like mold
Growing in damp darkness
In the sweat of holding myself together
Spreading across my tender sanity into dark forgotten corners

I didn't know
That I could lose her, too

Vs

"Good girl."
He snickers
As I take him into
My mouth

"Good girl."
You whisper
As you make me love
Myself

237 Years

Every passing day

You linger in my mind

One second longer

Luckily, there are many seconds in a day

Flood

I used to follow clouds through the desert
Mouth gaping
Begging for rain
Catching drops on my tongue thinking my thirst was satisfied
For a moment
And never considering
I didn't have to be thirsty
I didn't have to be dry, shriveled, empty
Running with mouth open and head towards the sky

Then the river came
Gently caressing the cracked earth surrounding me

At first I lap at your edges
I think I will be swallowed by a flood
At first, I dip my hands in little pools
And then I turn and run — afraid

The river flows — away

I used to follow clouds through the desert
I could find solace in a single drop
Mouth open, head towards the sky, I forgot
About the ground beneath me

I bring my feet to your edge
I take a deep breath
I step in
I am brought to my knees

Touching you is like praying

I used to beg for rain
The river carries me away

"I could love you."

I'll be shaking until I touch you
I don't need you
But you're good for me

I'll be a coward until I speak
I don't need to
But you're good for me

Come here
I could love you
If I could tell you
Stay near
Could you tell that
Without words

The Fruit

I've had the idea of love.
Dripping behind my eyes,
Ever since.
You placed that fruit between my lips,
And it was all I'd ever wanted.

I've swirled the idea,
Around my tongue.
Tried to fit it inside my mouth.
Until it was dripping off my chin,
Like laughter.

From then on,
You were on the tip of my tongue.

god

I met god
I met god in my lover inside me
I met god in the fullness of his love
I met god in the fullness of your cock
I met god
I met god when I came
I met god in the look on your face
I met god in your body merging with mine
I met god staring into your eyes
I met god

Safe and Joyous

It feels like I just learned what love is.
It revealed itself in your eyes in the rain.
It revealed itself in your smile at her face.
It revealed itself in your hands on my back.
Love is saccharine, sickly sweet.
Love is sweet and safe and joyous.

I wish I could live inside staring in your eyes.
Love is being able to see the look in your eyes when you fuck me.
Love is being able to see the look in your eyes when you look at me.