You tell me that you love your solitude. Everything that you say sounds like it came out of my own brain. It doesn’t make sense to me that we are strangers, and yet it makes perfect sense, because I don’t think you can feel this way about anyone who is real. 

When you talk about standing in your room daring the forces of evil to take you on, I know that you were having the same conversation when I said that I was willing to get dragged through the mud. 

Somehow I know that these moments are connected. I know that they happened at the same time on the same day. I know that we are connected by a string through time and space and that on that day, we were on different sides of a black hole. 

And we are staring at each other through the wormhole. The tunnel that distorts the world. 

And this must be how everyone feels, right? Over a million other people must feel this way. Is it just the human experience? Are we all connected in this way? It’s different for me, right?

Uninterrupted

The first thing I see— 
    really deep longing. 
Connection and depth is specifically desiring,
Speaks to wanting on the surface— You
    go down the depths. 

Feeling this longing,
    and a loneliness,
    an isolation,
        wanting—
            wanting reason.
It's not stuck
    in a period of time, this
    hurt you.
Alone... for a little bit...
    to reconnect yourself. 

The longing of understanding,
    and of giving.
To yourself and time.
That longing, it's anchoring. 
Seeing all 
    radically 
        stepping in—
It's like you disappear.
This self,
and then the new self.

Focus.
This is how you think when alone.
This tendency to care because nobody's looking.
Step in.
You feel like painting your hair— delicious.
That's a hot girl, silly. 
Individually, silly, but— joyful.
Like delighting in the experience of what I feel.

This sense of finding could be quality, quite literally. 
Encourage this period. 
Write songs, or anything like that— you're singing.
You're putting on little concerts,
    you're singing: sing, sing, sing...
Clearing a breakthrough,
Space for you.
Your voice, and amplifying.

The longing—
Sometimes we're seeking.
What we're actually seeking— looking for God
    through you. 
Find it inside of you.
Find it— that energy.
If you leave— access it.
Reflected in part of this.
That longing,
    emptiness,
    an urge—
    connection. Divine expression.

Coming through, I would know if going back,
    or look into the deeper connection.
Tapping into and inviting—
    connect. Through music.

Powerful manifestation.
Deep imprint. 
Into any— 
    form to a song,
    a splash.
Send out this call— truthful.
If sometimes you're wanting experience,
You'll find you can use them— tools. 

Stepping into yourself
To shift this season— you. 

Next: the body you reclaim.
Reclaim your identity—
    pleasure, and depth 
    that way. 
Feeling maybe new.
Going to come for
    you to be in that space.
I think it's important that you're protected.
Not people in that way.
The purity—
It's you— uninterrupted.
It's what happens when I.

Challenge: letting yourself be seen.
Intimately— just to pause there.
Open.
Voice and sense of self, and— 
Open up.
Deeper.
There comes to sense
    what's gonna make you strong.
Digging in—
    deeper.
    More intimate.

You are singing.
You are healing.
I think
    people connect.
You're getting braver.
If you feel... do it. 
Powerful— it comes.
You will be able to
    release yourself— don't hesitate.
Offer that
    gift.

I hope that helps.

I am both too much and not enough. At the same time, I am overwhelming and disappointing. I am the most loved when I am quiet. I am the most loved when I am not even there. 

I'm so glad I escaped you
like a rat in the sewer lines

The lines of our hearts
are broken once more

And your face it lingers
in mine right there
always right there

Lingering
your deep eyes used to hold so much

Depth that was never there
a mirage of wisdom

You were never very good at any of it

Your face is a rat
your fingers curl around empty space
I'm not there anymore, you idiot

I chased the tangled string into knots
you thought you were the puppet master
but you could never catch me

I am uncatchable
you are not a catch at all
I fantasize about
that question in your eyes

When you realize I was never playing your fucking game
coward
I could have made you

I was one step ahead at all times
you tried to build a cage that I wouldn't notice but I knew you from the beginning.

I came back willingly
and I left the same

Step 1 - Realize you are playing a game.
Step 2 - Figure out the rules of the game.
Step 3 - Play the game better than them.
Step 4 - Realize that you can walk away from the game.
Step 5 - Do literally whatever you want instead of playing the game.

In order to walk away from the game, you have to give up on the idea that you will eventually win the game. 

Perhaps even harder, you have to give up the fleeting satisfying moments where you make “progress” in the game.