words won't express

"you can only move as fast as who's in front of you"


acid is slipping out of me
i'm melting out of my skin
sick convulsions of helplessness
i am not myself tonight
liquid fire is burning through my face
brutal noises emerge from hidden corridors
and i am drowning and floating all at once
people point and yell and laugh because emotions run thick
"don't shake"
"i hate to see you tremble"
this is why winter is ironic
and i am such a hypocrite
my body attempts to purge itself of these things
thick, sugary poison...
alluding to things that will never be explained
i'm incapable of making sense
"it's just platonic now"
fuck him
she wants him back there
i need him here
but i know he's forgotten about me by now
"i did mean it"
liar
but i can't blame anyone
because i was the stupid one
young and naive and lost
he tore me to shreds while i was broken
i'm past that now
i was
i thought he was gone
it sure felt like it
i thought i could grow back that part of me that you took with you
but i still feel the hole
empty
empty
maybe i'm just slow
and now there's another him
but i was determined to be smarter
and it might work
but i can't quite tell
i may be losing my mind
but i feel the ground
i want to be amazing
i need to be your everything
but i don't have the right to ask that much of you
it's just never up to me anymore
"don't touch the positive with a negative end"
isn't that how it always is?
i'm so sick of myself
i could just crawl outside of me
different hosts
blinding white is swirling
and it burns
acid is slipping out of me tonight
my past is hidden all around me
in wooden boxes my past will haunt me
but i can't survive another trip back there
i need you to keep me grounded
but i don't have the right to ask that much of you
life is beautiful
clouds cover up the stars
but life is always beautiful
hollow
empty
"i want to be beautiful"
i want to make one ounce of sense
"is it better for her to have love and lost or to never love at all"
you're not the first to say that
echoes
terribly frightened
"i hold you in my hand a little animal and only some dumb idiot would let you go"
what is wrong with me?
i promise someday i'll get a handle on this
"convince me that i've been sick forever and all of this will make sense when i get better"


this isn't me