I am stuck there
I cannot escape
My toe stuck in the tide-pool
My face buried in the ocean
Breathing salt and wet
Refracted shadows inside me
Light drips across my eyes and cheeks
I have gone beyond
Transcended
The illusion has broken
Or just begun
Something is broken
My soul or yours
There is laughter and touch
I sit here alone
You've slipped from the memories
But I cannot move on
I built a home here
I wander the halls and remember
The loneliness is sharp because it was only us— no one else knows
It is so precious I cannot speak of it— my vibrating teeth could tear it to shreds
I can see it in my mind and feel it in my hands
Is it gone
Is it gone forever
I am walking backwards towards the future
I cannot turn away from you
I cannot look behind me
I cannot peel my eyes from the void
Your absence is fascinating— illuminating
I know we're never looking at the same sky
But I feel your presence in this world
And I think I chose this
A tiny, beautiful thing
By the time I opened my hand, you had melted
But I remember
And I'm sorry you couldn't meet me
And I forgive— not you, not for this
But I remember
Perhaps I am frozen because it is cold and ice is permanent here— winter
My mortality— a desperate inhale with no release
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
You'll never read this
And isn't that the point.