I am dying,
Not faster than anyone else,
But sometimes it's like I can feel it,
And I just want to get it over with already.

Life is just trying to feel less alone.
Desperate clawing at others,
Screaming into the void,
But we're all just trapped inside ourselves.

And we're all alone.

And I don't think it gets better.

I don't believe people are happy,
I think they just don't think about it.
How alone they are.

They ignore it because it's terrifying.
How do they ignore it?
I don't think I can.

Scraped

I have overcome a lot.
But what does that mean?
There is still so much.

Will I ever feel again?
Will I ever feel life — life in a rush?
Or has that all gone away…

I have urges — bad urges — bad for me…
But I don’t feel.

I have people next to me in bed.
I can feel their flesh,
but not my own heart beating.

I know I’m still here,
but it feels like you’ve killed me.

How to express what it’s like
to have everything good drained —
every ounce of hope, optimism —
innocence lost…

Slowly.
Finessed out of my heart and into your mouth.

endless and suffocating

How long can I wait?
Probably forever —
My optimism is endless and suffocating.

I don’t know if you’ll ever be there.
They say if you love something —
You should let it go.

They leave out the part where most things don’t love you back.
Or even if they do —
That doesn’t mean they can return.

Someone can love the shit out of you and still not be able to be with you.

They will probably try, but it will be broken.

You will both be broken.

But at least it’s love.

Is this love?
If I better understood would I be enough?
If I loved you better, would it hurt this much?
I’m sorry.
I can’t tell.
My memories are twisted.
Is any of this real?

Is this love?
Is the coldness of your heart hidden in your eyes?
If I looked harder, could I uncover the lies?
I’m sorry.
I can’t tell.
Your words are twisted.
They dismiss and conceal.

Is this love?
Mutual misunderstandings, but good intent?
Would you be better if I could be patient?
I’m sorry.
I can’t tell.
My nerves are twisted.
I don’t know how I feel.