Stranger

Somedays I wake up and it all feels like a dream
My memories fade fast while my eyes adjust to the light in this dark room
You're here next to me but I feel like a stranger
You touch me but I'm not the one you're reaching for
You've loved me, but I've changed
It was real, right?

I've woken up in unfamiliar skin
And you are just a dream I had two nights ago
I'm reaching frantically through my mind to find the place where my hand fits into yours just so
But nowhere I touch you feels right
Your name feels foreign to my tongue
My lips don't know yours anymore
It was real, right?

Held

I want to hold
All of your pain
Inside of me
And push it deep
Down where I hold everything

I want to hold
All of your pain
And keep it
From you

I can cry for both of us

My love for you is not unconditional
My love for you is my love for myself

'Cause you're so fucking good for me
You make my life happier

It's like getting lost somewhere
Deep underwater
And then coming up
And getting your first breath

At this point if you broke up with me, I would need to be able to print pictures, so I could tear them up.

I will never not be sorry that it had to go this way.
But I needed a slap in the face that no one else was going to give me.
Least of all you.

Someday

I know that someday—
One day—
A great sorrow will leave my heart cracked.
And I know that someday—
One day—
The shattering blow will be our last goodbye.

But I also know that it will never be
the same bitter emptiness
of knowing that everything
was a lie.

I know that you could never leave me feeling empty.
I know you would never ask so much of me that I had nothing left.
You would not accept everything even if I tried to give it to you.
You would feed it back to me— gently, my love—
Piece by piece.

I know that someday—
One day—
I will fall into that pit of despair.
And I know that someday—
One day—
The darkness will be the absence of your light.

But I also know that it will never be
your laughter that echoes
to the bottom of my core
to mock my fall.

I know that you could never ask me to fall.
I know you would never demand my trust and watch me fall
back first into the abyss.
You would hold me,
And guide me— gently, my love—
The whole way down.

Useless

My words cannot paint
The color of your eyes.
My words cannot knit
The touch of your lips.
My words cannot build
The city that lights up when we entangle —
Our fingers tied up like magnets.

My words are fucking useless.
But I'll keep writing them down,
And I'll keep reading them aloud to you.

The First Time

I read you every single poem I've written about you.
My worst nightmare —
Playing out like a dream.

I told you I could tell how people felt.
That I didn't need to see the mediocrity
Written on their faces.

But what I saw in you instead —
Was the light.
I can see it in your eyes
When I touch you through
The space between us.

You light up my words —
Give them meaning.
You make me understand the language I am speaking.

Favorite

It took my breath away,
How quickly you became my favorite person.
All in one instant you were here beside me.
And you had always been here,
Always been inside me,
But now I'm looking at you.

You are outside of me,
And seeing you is like seeing the parts of myself I have missed.
They have been in the back of my throat,
Waiting for you to speak them.

You give my breath back to me.

How to never forget a single moment of this day.
How to never forget the first time
I heard you say the phrase.

How to write down every word you spoke —
So softly.
How to write down every kiss you gave to me —
A thousand.

How to draw a picture of the way we held each other as we slept.
How to draw a picture of the feeling of the light
Emanating from you
And permeating me.

Reborn

Your scent has been with me all day
I don't want to eat
I don't want to chase the taste of you off my tongue

Before I washed our sweat off my body
I stood in the mirror
I ran my hands across all the places you touched me
I ran my hands across my heart

I carved a place for our moment in my mind
I cut deep so I can never forget
Who I was before this night
I will never be her again

Discovery

There is an ocean in me.
I never let anyone see it.
You have walked along the shore,
And waited patiently,
For my invitation.
Until you walked inside of me,
And I let my waves crash against you.

How surprised was I to find
An ocean in you as well.
How surprised I was to find
New depths inside myself.